Listening is an often ignored skill with equally ignored strategies of engagement. The first step to understanding the best listening strategies to employ during a conversation is understanding the goals behind having the conversation. In “Listening Is A Skill That Requires A Strategy” we provided the first step to finding your strategy by identifying the four types of conversations:
- Information exchanges
- Building working relationships
- Feeling good
- Making someone feel good
According to Mindtools.com’s article Active Listening: Hear What People Are Really Saying: “. . . we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear.” So understanding how to listen and the best strategies to listening comprehension are very important.
The next step in the process is understanding the set of choices you face when holding a conversation; the most basic choice is whether to talk or listen. As explained in Bruce Wilson’s great article Strategies for Business Listeners: “Your mission is to identify, and support, your goals for having this particular conversation in the first place.”
Choices in Conversation
The most basic choice is whether you talk or you listen. Beyond that basic choice are three more choices: Do you focus? Do you clarify? Do you listen attentively? Let’s examine each one.
1. When You Talk: Focus
a.) No Focus: This simply means you say what comes to mind without any plan or prior thought. The results of this behavior can be a free flow of information but at a cost. The cost is often severe if the speaker says something inaccurate, offensive, or monipolizes conversation time.
b.) Yes Focus: Plan what you are going to say. Understand the appropriate amount of detail to include. Deliver your message in a succinct brief summary in order to make the point without wasted effort.
2. When You Talk: Clarify
a.) No Clarification: You are guessing what is important to your partner in conversation. There are two problems here. First you may be wasting your partner’s time and yours. Second you may ramble on and begin to monopolize the time in the conversation.
b.) Yes Clarification: Before launching into unknown territory, ask permission of your conversation partner.
Do You Listen Attentively ?
Yes: You give your full attention by removing any distractions. In addition you should provide body language, eye contact, and gestures of affirmation in order to let your partner know you are listening.
No: If you answered “no”, you can do one of two things:
Partial listening: This is a bad choice because you often end up understanding half the message, possibly offending your partner, or you miss a vital piece of their message creating a misunderstanding of the message.
Ask Permission: Ask to reschedule your conversation to a time when you will be able to focus your full attention on the conversation.